These Boots Are Made for Walking, but Not With Shorts

Okay boys, I get it. You listen to country music, you drive a big truck, you go huntin’ and fishin’ every weekend – and you wear those clunky brown boots everywhere you go to make sure you look the part, too.

Those big ole boots look respectable poking out from under uniform pants on colder days, or even jeans if you’re feeling up to it. You all look very nice and…rugged.

But lately, you boys have been walking your way into a fashion crisis.

I am writing, of course, about boots and shorts.

When you pair boots with khaki shorts, you bring the whole country boy image to a completely new and downright unacceptable level. In case it isn’t already clear, I’ll break it down for you: it does not look good.

Without the pant cuffs to cover up and hold down the top of the boots, you guys look plain silly tramping through the halls trying to keep them from falling off your feet with every step. The boots are baggy around your calves, swallowing your legs.

I know you’re trying hard to fit in to the Georgia boy image by wearing those boots as much as you can, but this is taking it too far. Work boots are not made to wear with shorts, so why would you even consider it? If you go stomping through the woods wearing your boots with a pair of shorts, your toes might be shielded from whatever mysterious critters live in the Georgia mud, but it’s going to get all over your bare-legged self in a matter of minutes.

Even if you’re not planning on wallowing around in the mud in your boots and shorts anytime soon, and think you’ll slide by with shorts because it’s a little warmer outside, please, for the love of Luke Bryan, resist that urge. It’s okay to not wear your favorite footwear every day. Your friends, and more importantly, the girls of Stratford, will forgive you.