Two Fire Drills, but No Zombie Plan

“The Library is now closed” may be an effective strategy against human intruders, but what happens if the undead come knocking?

Stratford Academy needs a zombie apocalypse drill.

We cannot rely on our parents to save us. If they do come, they may be infected. In other words, we are all alone.

On any given day at the Academy there are about 1,100 people on campus. This is both our greatest asset and greatest weakness. Controlling frightened schoolchildren could be difficult, but as an organized unit, Stratford’s students and faculty could be quite a formidable army.

That is why having a plan in place is crucial.

Step 1 is to keep everyone calm and in place. It would be all too tempting to flee to Walmart, Kroger, and Chik-fil-A for necessary supplies and one last chicken biscuit. The rest of North Macon would have the same idea, including the undead.

Step 2 is to fortify our position. We need five groups, each with a unique mission: interior defense, exterior defense, supply, weapons, and childcare.

Interior defense will lock down the main building. Every window and exit will need to be boarded. The main doors must be monitored 24/7. Outlying fields and facilities like the fieldhouse and stadium will be evacuated, for now.

To establish a perimeter, cars will be parked to form an outer fortification around the loop road. Posted sentries will patrol the grounds.

The supply division will retrieve food from the concessions stands and inventory all provisions in the cafeteria. Water is the most important resource of all. As soon as the alarm is sounded, middle schoolers will be assigned to fill every possible container before the pipes go dry.

Fortunately, Stratford does not allow guns on campus. Indeed, the noise from gunshots would quickly attract a zombie swarm. When it comes to killing the undead, the school has a ready arsenal of tools and sports equipment. Remember, always aim for the head!

The final and most important task is to keep the little ones safe. The childcare group will be in charge of keeping the lower and preschool students entertained, calm, and out of the way during an attack.

Stratford’s zombie apocalypse drill will keep the school safe during the opening stages of the undead’s rise. But building a new life in post-apocalyptic Macon will take tenacity, grit, and a long-term strategy.